Verse 1
It’s about to get dark
Darker than before
About to go further down
This rabbit hole and show you more
About these thoughts of pain
Been tearing up my brain
Past the point of insane
These demons have free rein

Swimming through that deep shit
That shit where you act like you don’t know what you want to do
Ignoring the screams from deep inside of you
Begging you to just be true, to just go through with what it is that you always knew
What it is that you were meant to do
I don’t believe in destiny, but this thing inside of me is too weak to subdue

Spent my whole life lying to myself, lying to everyone who asked me what I wanted to do
When I told you that I didn’t know, that was never true
‘Cause not so deep inside, I always knew
But I just kept failing myself
Breaking myself
Changing myself
Faking myself
Hating myself
Training myself to think that what I needed was someone or something else

Never had the confidence
Never could find the strength
To pursue this essence
Just live life as a sentence

Music has flown through my soul
Since I was 4 years old
That’s 19 years of repression
Now let me take you through this progression

Bridge
Never let myself feel in place
What a waste
Could have had something great
Instead I just sit here and wait
For someone else to realize
The world through my eyes
While I wear a disguise

Chorus 1
Locked in this world
I’m by myself
All alone
Give myself to you
But I’m still unknown
I have these ideas
But I can’t keep listening to these songs
Cause I know I’m beaten

Verse 2
Now let’s get real
Down and dirty
No more being abstract
Going to tell you how it is
And I want to be exact
The anxiety that has been building up
Should be enough to give me a heart attack

A couple years ago I got to the point where going through the motions was no longer enough
But that’s all I had ever done
Didn’t know how to stop
Still wasn’t brave enough to follow my heart

Started soul searching with my fucking eyes shut
This dream, that dream, this idea, so what?
I can get excited about anything
And follow through with nothing

Sitting there, every fucking night, 8 hours of death as my violent thoughts could never rest
Hiding my tears as my heart tries to rip out of my fucking chest

I knew I had betrayed myself, betrayed my child, was betraying my future
Got to the point where I couldn’t even listen to music without feeling like a failure

That’s supposed to be me!
That’s supposed to be me!
That’s supposed to be me!
That’s supposed to be me!
I am nothing
Verse 3
So low
Down
How have I let myself drown?
One paxil
One sleeping pill
Two sleeping pill
Three sleeping pill
One Benadryl
Two Benadryl
One melatonin
Two melatonin
1 shot
2 shot
3 shots of whiskey
That should be enough to get me to sleep
Yeah baby, that’s just where I want to be
I don’t want to drift into my dreams
I wanna be forced unwillingly
Cause all I can do is lay here anxiously
And think about everything I’m not going to be
These dark thoughts are getting progressively
Bleaker and I’m thinking about things permanently
What have I done so far?
This shit’s bizarre
Look at these scars
I’m supposed to be a motherfucking star
Instead I’m sitting here dwelling on the past
Examining the failure that I’ve amassed
When I go, I know that I will go fast
And then I will be free at last
I apologize if this is the last song you ever hear from me
But just know, this was destiny