1. |
My Purple Heart
08:06
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Jesus’ supposed words have shackled me and crucified a people like me
Although he was conceived by woman and God, somehow he came out male although he is not a product of it
Americans placed him on the US dollar bill
A legendary bill that bought worldwide capitalism and gave it to the rest of the world as a Christmas present
Some were good children but the others unwrapped their present at gun point
We took the shell casings and made a crown to replace the thorns
Then we burned the presents and replaced them with credit and today was born
Capital is punishment and punishment may be capital
And hierarchies are masculine and this whole world has turned into one giant pyramid scheme
With pharaohs waving swords at the top slaughtering the women as they try to climb
Slaughtering the men who will not slaughter
Picking a destiny for those in between and treating them accordingly
The sun is burning all of them and as it rises…
Each morning my blue eyes are exposed by lifting shields
Red blooded American with a mixmatched soul and genitals
Awaking for another day where my inner eyes stare at myself
From my colored eyes whether they are brown and hard or they are black and hard
To my skin or eyebrows which will snow each day if they do not receive contact of warm water
And black grass in which is a yard unkempt by a homeowner who would be fine setting for to the entire thing
I begin all of my addictions at once and end them never but my compulsions vary
Cloth choice depends on who I am performing today, although they are all within the same purple flesh
To those to who I am unknown, which river shall you cross today? For the natives know the water well
I begin as most white canvases marked phallically do, for I am human
Like an outlaw in an inmate disguise, I peel off the superficial layers that I feel help make me who I am
I shall waste water like a good inhabitant like the rest of you waste judgment on your theories that you accept as law
Then I mow that black lawn oh so greenly of those who differ in certain biology and who do pay dearly for such a thing
That silver line you joke about then immediately dispose of is obvious
And it is okay
It disappears for the same reason that it remains apparent
Because it should be and remain forever irrelevant
But because this flesh hangs from between my legs, it will not
And as I am finished washing and drying those judgments I am dirty as I began because true cleanliness is pumped from my red heart and jaded veins
Yet I proceed to play into a hierarchical capitalistic procedure in which targets binary constructs as I pretend I am breaking them
I pretend and hope and feel and want to break them into the tiny multi-faceted rainbow multiples that are still attached that I feel they are
That I know they are and are to be if I ever hope to be a human being
However, I digress from the trivial to the core
But does all philosophy?
From theoretical to reality, it all intertwines
So here I am, painting these mirrors with a mirror so you can see my mirrors but they’re just glass to me
Don’t worry!
I used a phallus for the paint job
Watch it
Watch it
Watch it paint me feminine
So here I am, presented with two vitalities in which the world gives me as options
Do you eat or do you drink? Choose one and only one
So I will pick like it’s a fucking choice
And the passion isn’t disinginuine because see, I do love each so-called “choice” because I have a raging appetite
So I will play this game, so fresh, and enjoy every minute of it
Flirting and laughing like a good girl
I mean boy!
I mean man!
Sorry, please don’t punish me
Please don’t because it won’t change anything
Oh lady how I love thee
And I do, I do, I do
I love you because you are human
And too because you’re beautiful
And also, but not lastly, because you are a reflection of a soul that has rules you play by
I admire and have respect for your curves
Your lips like sugar
Your eyes so deep in color that are, as every great thinker and poet has claimed, a portal to your soul – whatever that means
And making love is just that plus expression and maintenance
You have the bits I love, but not all of them
I’m not that lucky
Neither are you, but I could never wish that burden upon you
I want you like no one else ever has
I want it for me
Inside me
A part of me
Not how the poets mean
But like lust over an outfit
Just like that
I wish I could put it on but all I can wear are the symbols
Simple, yet profound
That which makes me human can also be that which keeps me from being
And you can laugh at it like it’s a joke
It’s so fucking hilarious
“He thinks he’s not what we say he is!”
But all you said I was was… well I guess you said it all
And here comes the part where you show me how it’s done like intent is a measurable truth but that suffering it creates is immeasurable in itself
Yell yell yell
Blah blah blah
I know!
You don’t though
What would it cost you to believe me?
To trade in the grand hegemony so you can buy the lesser
You still have some credit left over so you can buy some fancy sunglasses or a bullet-proof vest
Why don’t I trade up?
Because those diamonds have blood inside of them
So here I am, presented with two vitalities in which the world gives me as options
Do you forever sleep or snort rock?
There is no in between
And if I choose what you consider an “alternative” what will you do?
Because love is a construct, just like anything else
Produced by society to ensure some kind of moral
Whatever God said or whatever you remember God saying
I’m sick you say
Cast my feelings aside so you can deal with the problem
So you can destroy it and put it to an end
So that it will never happen again
And as disgusted and sickened I am by this attempt, I know it is just that
Removing my heart is the only way to destroy my world
And that, you have not done
Just give it time
Time is relative, and irrelevant because there are millions before me and billions afterwards
And I know you want to come back and save me before I might save you
Our intent may be the same but the definitions vary
Lay down next to me and let us start again
Hello, my name is Chris and this is my friend
But just as I continue to want it, you continue to want me to not to want it
Don’t you see?
There is no middle ground!
My middle ground sincerely is nothing but submission
That’s all it’s ever been
Fine, fine, fine!
Strip me and redress me like you always do
This problem is shared and we know it
I’m glad you’re trying to fix that which is trying to end you, even though, again our definitions vary
I am not as strong as I wish I were but the more I lift the more strength I get
You are my weight – that which weighs me down but makes me stronger
I’m not thanking you, I’m just acknowledging it
You’re a forgery of your God and I am a sex defender and yes, an offender
My purple heart is growing whether or not it appears to wither and wane
Because I begin all my addictions at once and end them never despite every attempt to manage them in a way which will not kill me, but make me happy
Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
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2. |
The State of Sex
06:21
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Rise! My brothers
Rise! My sisters
Rise! Those in between and outside
Rise! Now is not the time to hide
Rise! We are the ones they are trying to categorize
Rise! Whose interests are you playing into?
Rise! Gay
Rise! Straight
Rise! Bi
Rise! Pan
Rise! Those in between and outside
Rise! Whose interests are you playing into?
Count your blessings and then ask for more
Exchange them for all the traits that they adore
Run on the field like a berdache mascot
Now take it off – It’s time to shine
Love yourselves but only love others if they don’t destroy it
Arbitrary power is what we must fear and overthrow
Devour your consummation and regurgitate money
Your lives are being bought and sold via identity
“Who are you?” really means “What are you?”
It means “how can we categorize you?”
“How do you consume? How do you reproduce?”
“How do you resist?” and “How can we exploit this?”
Play jellyfish babies with your identity
Our mother is sick and thus so are we
Westoxification destroying gynarchies
I say a panarchy is necessary for a healthy “we”
Rise! Transgender
Rise! Transexual
Rise! Cisgender
Rise! Cissexual
Rise! Everyone confused
Rise! Who interests are you playing into?
Biphillic tendencies suit our thirst for binary
And our thirst for beauty keeps girls fasting
Runway models run away from weight and hate
There is still time to win, it’s never too late
The sounds of sex are mere sound effects
Can you hear them? They sound like earthquakes!
Yesterday’s entremetteuse is today’s rape victim
And yes, we will blame them
And the rapists will call the others tree climbers
Because putting women in their place is so much better
Forever learn your role, your placement
Based upon what genitals you kissed
Based upon the heteronormativity you missed
But you never missed a second, you see it everyday
And the military will engage in I&I
So they don’t act out and become labeled “gay”
This didn’t used to be a person
It was only an action
But we’ve become so obsessed with sex
That we need as many categories as we can get
Sex is repressed but not like you’d think
We’ve got a word for everything and nothing’s unique
Sex, sex, sex please
While dismantling hegemony
Lust, love, living
While destroying patriarchy
Zeroes, ones, binaries
Stop selling me capitally
Smiles, tears, humanity
Please just let me live freely
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3. |
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Verse 1
A mother, a daughter
One protects, the other
Violet’s angst, confusion
Lady’s love, her caring
She seemed to, come from nowhere
An angel, to protect
Violet’s guard, standing tall
Hesitant to be, to be loved
Chorus
“Come to me” she screams
“Who are you?” Violet replies
“I am you” she screams
“Where did you come from?”
“We’re all from the same place”
“What are you talking about?”
“Listen to me” she screams
“Why should I?” Violet replies
“I am you” she screams
“You’re crazy, leave me alone”
“You have a million sorrows”
“Who doesn’t? Leave me alone”
Verse 2
What can you do when they don’t listen?
What can you do when they act like they don’t care?
What can you do when to try to save them?
What can you do when they don’t want saved?
She seemed to, come from nowhere
An angel, to protect
Violet’s guard, standing tall
Hesitant to be, to be loved
Chorus 2
“Confide in me” she screams
“Why would I?” Violet replies
“I am you” she screams
“Where did you come from?”
“You made me to save you”
“What are you talking about?”
“Trust in me” she screams
“What is this” Violet replies
“I am you” she screams
“You’re crazy, leave me alone”
“Your father has hurt you”
“Whose hasn’t? Leave me alone”
Verse 3
Too hostile, to listen
Too hostile, to give in
Too damaged, and too soon
To begin, her healing
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4. |
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You see one big question mark
I feel a question heart
I live inside
I’m the only thing alive
I am you
Mirrors show me a portrait I have not conceived
But was forced upon me
I am the shadow
I am the window
I am the rainbow
I am what you know
Will save you
I am perpetually
And infinitely
Approximating
A whole
You keep this all erect
Culture’s birth defect
And as the knives begin to plunge
I’m becoming closer to one
Grafting a new life
One where I belong
One where it’s not all wrong
I am being cut and pasted onto you
Onto me
Onto us
As I strip away
The costume of my demise
The same one you hand me to survive
I pay it full mind
This body of mine
I see it changing
I am perpetually
And infinitely
Approximating
A whole
You keep this all erect
Culture’s birth defect
And as the knives begin to plunge
I’m becoming closer to one
Changing
Filling
Living
Dying
Sitting Here Alone and Smiling
Knowing
That it’s coming!
Finally
Finally
XX
XY
Bio
-logy
Is a
Lie –So
cie
ty
Is a
sham I
have no
Way to win
Way to win
This makes
Me have
To “fix”
Every
thing
So that
I can
Not feel
Sick and
dirty
just to
Feel alive
Feel alive
Scrounging
Laughing
Cutting
Screaming
Breathing
Binding
Staring
Seething
Can you
See that
I am
Perpetually
Infinitely
Approximating
A whole
I am perpetually
And infinitely
Approximating
A whole
You keep this all erect
Culture’s birth defect
And as the knives begin to plunge
I’m becoming closer to one
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5. |
Dance, Motherfuckers
04:40
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I don’t want any of you to listen to the words of this song
I just want you motherfuckers dancing
Chorus
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Now shake motherfuckers
Nod motherfuckers
Absorb motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Verse 1
All of you bitches shake your hips for me
And nod your fucking heads like you’re affirming
Listen to the beats and move your feet
While the words slip in and make you weak
Ladies listen to the words that your dancing to
Who the fuck am I kidding? Just do what you do
And men keep grinding up on their ass
That pussy is yours as long as you dance
It’s okay for me to say that you’re a bitch
It’s okay for me to say ‘cause it makes me rich
Keep on buying records and watch my videos
As I sell your body, ya’ll know how it goes
I’m funnelin’ that shit into your brain
And I guess it’s fuckin’ workin’ ‘cause here you stay
And listen to my stories of totin’ guns
So drawn to phallogocentrism it makes you numb
But isn’t that the way that it’s always been?
I guess on the surface that how you fit in
But there’s a whole group of people fighting for you
To rid us all of this phallic noose
And men you just perpetuate all this shit
Your acceptance of women being treated as garbage
And when you just accept all of this
You just pave the way for more degradation
All you motherfuckers need to wake up and learn
Hell’s on Earth and you continue to burn
Chorus
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Now shake motherfuckers
Nod motherfuckers
Absorb motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Second verse
Don’t look at any of this too hard, you might start makin’ stuff up
Don’t look at yourself and see what you’re a part of
See what you can stop
See what you consume
See what you ignore
It’s all up to up to you
I know you won’t fight for
Your mother
Your sister
Your lover
Your friend
Fuck that, keep dancing, motherfuckers
Keep blastin’ that shit until six in the morn’
By now she’s done passed out
That whore wanted what came to her
Yeah boy, ain’t you heard, rohypnol’s hip
Oh yeah, your turn
Don’t worry, she won’t remember shit in the morning
She won’t even know why she’s hurting
High fives for gang rapes
High fives for manliness
High fives for all these female masochists
Yeah boy, ain’t you heard?
She wanted that shit
She wanted all six of us to give it to her
Remember the power
Remember the pleasure
Remember the music
That shit was treasure
And I know you won’t show no remorse
That shit’s beneath you, remember the clothes that she wore
And I know you won’t show no remorse
That shit’s beneath you
Just like that human who trusted you
Chorus
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Now shake motherfuckers
Nod motherfuckers
Absorb motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Third Verse
And I’m not sayin’ I’m above all this
I’m with you in the cult(ure) of ignorance
And ladies I’m not sayin’ that you’re stupid
But you need to pay attention to what you’re doin’
And men I’m not sayin’ that you’re all pigs
But think about the lyrics that you’re listenin’ to
Think about the appeal to objectification
Think about all the ramifications
You can’t pretend that it doesn’t matter
You can’t brush it off with a nod and some laughter
You’re nodding your heads to the music
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes
You keep telling your brain that all of it is okay
You’re cool with it, it’s just words
You keep telling her that you’re in love with her
But just keep noddin’, it’s just words
No it’s fuckin’ not why can’t you see that I know that you’re not blind
How can you pretend language is irrelevant
How can you pretend that you’re not a part of it?
Desensitized to popular music
You’ve the ability to think, why not do it?
Desensitized to popular culture
You’ve the ability to choose, why not use it?
In capitalism it’s all about the power of the dollar
And we’re filling the pockets of those sending women to the slaughter
Chorus 2
Don’t be motherfuckers
Don’t be motherfuckers
Don’t be motherfuckers
Don’t be motherfuckers
Now shake off the culture
Nod to empowerment
Don’t absorb hate
Don’t be motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
Dance motherfuckers
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6. |
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I saw a girl wearing sunglasses made by D&G
I saw someone similar in a rape they were sponsoring
She woke up moist from a thinspirational wet dream
She woke up bruised after a capital fantasy
I’m a lady screaming for you to stop
This entire gang rape that we have bought
They calculated each color and every life
Of course everything can have a price
Violet, Violet, Violet, can you hear me?
I’m looking out for you
I am working so hard to understand everything that makes you do what you do
Soon you will be able to buy everything
I’m dreaming of a cascading romance
It’s taking each and every one of us so far away
A place where I am unnecessary
A place where you can smile again, darling
The inhabitants have lovely skin
It’s dark and warm not green and sick
I awake to hear you screaming in pain
I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming
Hush hush, you’re not insane
You have started calling me mother
But I am no such thing
I’m merely a critic of this shame
That you have to play like it’s a game
I will help fight for your life
As long as you fight for it too
Now please, won’t you hold me?
And I will make love to you
I will try to never sell this to you
I will try to never sell this to you
Even though it may be hard
And it will only get harder
As our veins of faith intersect with one another
And all of the gold has run dry
We will try and try and try
We can find its weak points
It will hang itself if we pay it enough
I’m trying
I love you
We all need your strength
And your defiance
And mine as well
Will you join me?
Will you join me?
What do you buy?
What do you buy when you love him?
What does he say?
What does he say when he needs you?
What does he give?
What does he give that you need?
What are your prayers?
What are your prayers asking God?
Can you not see?
Can’t you wake up to his lies?
Even if you can
Can you do anything about it?
Given to him
By every single one of us
Please forgive me
Please forgive us
Please forgive yourself
For we know not what we’ve done
Shaking in the shell
That he’s plastered around you
It’s cold and it’s cramped
And it’s killing you
You will never smile it all away
It only brings decay
I know that you’re there
I know that you’re breathing
I know that you’re alive
I know that you can see me
I want you to look inside
Look inside yourself
It’s okay to cry
But not okay to give up
You can beat this
You can beat this
You can beat this
You can beat this
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7. |
I Refuse
04:01
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Trees climb me while watering my wings weighed down with carbon
I'm drowning a bucket with the bass of life before you kick it
Thump
Thump
Thump
Listen to the submarine rev
Elation!
Wherein lays her lies infinitely as an infant
It's all in your head
It's all in your head
It's sawing your head
It's all in your lead
Bang Bang!
Semi-automatic fun
Shooting holes in my lungs so I can breath underwater
So I can swim to my death bed in disguise
These guys are raping my androgyny
Telling me what to be when all I want to be is to be me
Made-up mirrors reflecting your disgust
A catalyst for your construct constructed only for the purpose to deconstruct a function
Tear it up
Tear it down to the ground in the shape of a frown
But I'm smiling
It doesn't matter if it's genuine
Because you're not seeing it anyway
Your eyelids that you painted black and white can't see it anyway
Because while you were pushing kids down
on the play ground,
I was dressing up and singing into a tiny plastic microphone
attached to a cassette recorder
And I wrote songs about monsters and love and about brothers
I never had because I wanted a male to love but never had one
Paternal eclipses shadow eternal ellipses
showing me what's in store
But this liquor store has been robbed at phallus pointing right into her mouth
And from there all of it went south
So while you were wrestling with your dad in the backyard I was wondering when mine would get out of jail
And while you were playing football with the neighborhood boys I was already confused
as to why I had no preference for the sexuality I was experiencing with the boys, with the boys, with the boys, and the girls
I am not rejecting all of your masculinity
I just refuse to accept it
The status quo has got to go
A status quo designed around your genital status, ignoring generations of quoted wise people from every apparatus
Stop raping my androgyny
My mind is open but that doesn't mean you can dump your shit into it
Pump
Pump
Pump
Cock
Cock
Cock
And I have dreams of things you make me ashamed of
But I just yearn for the actions, not the person my dreams always seem to remember
Dismember body parts of incestuous revulsion and desire until we can pretend it doesn't exist
And before this, I was taught by who I suspect was a rape victim
What the fuck is wrong with my house?
I am not sexually confused, only amused
And you can keep raping my androgyny, my identity, but you will not leave a bruise
You will not camouflage this rouge
I'm standing in a restaurant - bathroom
checking my make up - and the door swings open so I immediately wash my hands because I'm afraid for them to see me liking me in the way I like being seen
Can you see me?
Do you see me?
Will you see me?
What will you see when you see?
I stand before you as a weak, but growing incarnation of that which our elders reject and attempt to protect while the Pink Lady screams, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
That's right!
That which is right is worth undergoing plight
because although the world is dark and filled with the pseudo-righteous, we can see the light
It is not the light you see
It's on a different frequency
It permeates those who seek to be free of a toxic culture
I am only hazardous to an insecure immune system
Abused systems that are
inherently discriminant of identities
created by the reflections of that very system
which systematically breaks us down and
tell us how we must live in order to be free
How we must live in order to see
a world that appears secure yet we walk on pins and needles allowing that which is feeble to stab the bottoms of our feet
Stop pretending this is divine when it's all assembly line
I'm not bending natural law, only a theory
Don't show your teeth when all I want is something healthy
This isn't about me
This is about all of us
So please don't show your teeth
Don't make them worth busting our of your head
I just want freedom
I just want love
Where you see chaos I see stopped loss
Please don't show your teeth
They're going to fall out if your braces are loosened
For all of our own good, please don't show your teeth
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8. |
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You have been compelled to stay home
You have been inclined to boot up, log in, and dumb down
Stay constantly glued to the stream or the DVR
Because our evolution has been televised
Our evolution has been televised
Our evolution has been brought to us by Time Warner
In proliferating markets with constant pacification
Our evolution has shown us Reagan
making mythological tax policies and heading an onslaught by George
Bush, Dick Cheney, and Barack Obama to live
futures bailed out by the American people
Our evolution has been televised
Over evolution has been brought to us by the
Super Bowl and has starred Johnny
Depp and Robert Downey Jr. and Peter and Seth
Our evolution has given your body sex repeal
Our evolution has gotten rid of unsightly hair
Our evolution has made you want to be forty pounds
thinner, because our evolution has been televised
There are plenty of pictures of you and the president,
appearing to fight the establishment during a campaign run
and trying to hide your investment in a broken system
Fox News has been able to bring us Glenn Beck
and the pimp cut down the mighty oak tree
Our evolution has been televised
There have been pictures of soldiers desecrating
prisoners on the numbing display
There have been pictures of Netanyahu wearing
halos on the numbing display, but none of his nuclear weapons
There have been pictures of Joe Solmonese posing
with Hilary Clinton while he perpetuates assimilation
There have been televised concerts of Bono
performing both music and an ideology targeting
A homogenized conception of Africa through the same means that have
created the conditions he wants to combat in the first place
American Idol, Survivor, and the Fake
World have become ultimately relevant, and
women care if Meredith finally ends up with
Derrick on Grey’s Anatomy because all of us
are in the living room trying to forget how awful our lives are
Our evolution has been televised
The eleven o’clock news makes us afraid to lock our doors
and we all care about Michelle Robinson’s dresses
The theme songs are written by Timbaland,
U2, and sung by Lady Gaga, Justin
Timberlake, Toby Keith, Nickleback and Eminem
Our evolution has been televised
Our evolution continues after a quick message
about Capitol One, Capitol P, and capitalism
We are all familiar with the anthropomorphic dough in the
oven, the king in the restaurant, and the bunny with the drum
Our evolution is accelerated within 5 Hours.
Our evolution does not fight the germs that ‘cause intellectual death
Our evolution has put greed in the driver’s seat
Our evolution has been televised, has been televised
has been televised
Our evolution is our consumption
Our evolution is a lie
Farewell Gil Scott-Heron
Your truth is relevant
Your influence is infinite
And your inspiration ultimate
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9. |
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Verese 1
I am gonna drop more knowledge here than Alex Trebek
You’re like an infant dropped on their soft head and now you’re dead
You need new perspectives like getting shot with capitol lead
The south will rise again? Is that really what you just said?
Cause sometimes I feel like I live in the Confederate states
Everywhere there are slaves and zombies – just a few awake
Black people buying into the system unfortunately
And white people still pulling the strings systematically
Gone are our times of revolution
You consume shit and shit consumes ya
Gil Scott-Heron ain’t dead
Remember what he said
He who started hip-hop
Had respect for women
And the Cross Bronx highway from Robert Moses
The displacement got this shit goin’
When the Bronx was burning
Something was occurring
Kool Herc was exploding
hip-hop started flowing
New source of African-American empowerment
An entire culture began developing from it
Rebellious but still played into the establishment
But at the core was something genuine
Chorus
B-boys, b-girls, turntables, graffiti
These are the things that we are seeking
A proactive response to our problems
Having fun while the DJ revolves them
Verse 2
So let me return to this history lesson
I want to make you aware and keep you from guessing
Do you happen to know how this shit was corrupted?
Simmons, racism, white boys, commercialism
No one knows the American dream better than those in poverty
Emcees began plugging products – allusions to kicks, rides, and bling
It didn’t take too long for this to get picked up by MTV
Quickly rose to prominence and made its way into advertising
What started out in so many styles
Became pigeon-holed and do you know why?
All these racist white kids
Loved the gangsterism
Sexism and violence
Is all they wanted
And when the white kids took control
It dictated what had to be sold
Simple supply and demand
No more fighting the man
All that the man wanted was
Black on black violence
So now what we’re left with of popular black music
Is just what ever the white kid chooses
Because when you’re the ones driving most of the sales
It’s all up to you what prevails
Chorus
B-boys, b-girls, turntables, graffiti
These are the things that we are seeking
A proactive response to our problems
Having fun while the DJ revolves them
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10. |
Not One More Grave
04:14
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Buy! Buy! Buy!
Sell! Sell! Sell!
Bodies sold to the highest bidder
Put on a one-legged pedestal for all to see
Something all of us want to be
All at the cost of achieving what is sometimes referred to as “happiness” or “strength”.
All the strength in the world can’t seem to keep your stomach full
All the happiness in the world can’t seem to keep your body whole
“She’s so beautiful!”
But how could beauty make you feel so Ugly (with a Capital ‘You’)?
Lanugo sweaters keep you warm but do nothing to protect you from the elements
Elemental; inherent
structures of pyramids with pharaohs at the top laughing
Feeding off insecurities to produce His swollen head
He wants you dead!
Dead with bare bones and painted eyes
Eyes that witness an image in the magazines where the children can see
“Mommy, that’s who I want to be!”
She doesn’t know that she already is
The game is the same, just different paths that all lead to the same dead end
Here is where it begins again and again and again until someone will blow up the entire pyramid
Three young women stand in a line
One is called ugly
One is called beautiful
The other doesn’t exist
Irrelevance is death as is relevance
We need an umbrella to shield us from the pain
This culture is one giant flash flood filled with people with good intentions but they keep attached to strings that cause their arms to swing and to bust the water pipes where they proceed to drown
Drown drown drown
Holding one’s breath is such an endeavor that seems to last perpetually forever and eventually lets our veins burst into freedom/death
I’m standing at the edge of a burial plot
I’m having vivid flashbacks and flashforwards of digging the plot but I don’t remember it
I’m sorry
In my nightmares I just keep digging and digging and digging and I wake up screaming, “No! Not one more grave!”
So as time progresses my destruction regresses but I’m owned by a slave master who has billions of others willing to pick up my slack
I would rather die than kill
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11. |
||||
(I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life)
Hello lady, I know what you are talking about
But there’s some destruction I just can’t live without
We should just relax, let go, and just have fun
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing I can do
I don’t have any power over these circumstances
I know they’re bad, but not as bad as isolation
Desecration, restoration, obligation elimination
Push and pull, born and reborn, death and self-immolation
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing I can do
I’m sending you this letter to tell you I’m breaking it off
Please accept this as my letter of resignation
I’m confused (I don’t know)
I’m so lost (-ing for)
I have to seek (in my)
At any cost (life)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
(In my life)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I don’t know (I don’t know)
(In my life)
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing you can do
(I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life)
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing you can do
There’s nothing we can do
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing you can do
There’s nothing we can do
There’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing you can do
There’s nothing we can
There’s nothing
There’s nothing
(I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life
There is something I must do in my life
I have made so much mistakes, it’s time to turn around
I don’t know, but I have to change my life right now)
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12. |
Undifferentiated
06:14
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Verse 1
I am nowhere
A mere shadow of what I was
I am nothing
A shell going through the motions each day
I am stagnant
The water is not safe to drink
I feel hopeless
I am hopeless
Bridge
Looking out I see the sun
But I can’t feel it’s warmth
My true self feels destroyed
The mirrors don’t reflect what I love anymore
Chorus
I can see this life is draining me
Nothing left, gone is my identity
I am gone, I cannot find me
All this work is just raping
Raping me, destroying my identity
Verse 2
I am forgotten
My body is undifferentiated
I am sorry
I’m sorry I let it get to this
I can’t breathe
Comatose to my memories
I feel frightened
I am frightened
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13. |
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Verse 1
One more dream goes down the drain
Just another act to relieve the pain
Make-up, sweaters, they play the game
Just another act to appear the same
Somewhere a few men are getting paid
With no concern of who gets slain
Everywhere everyone is feeling shame
Something has to give
Something has to give
Chorus
I just keep looking all around me
And I can’t see how they don’t see
That everything is interconnecting
Trying to teach that capitalism is sexy
Verse 2
It’s most lucrative when you’re weak
They can sell the most when you don’t speak
When you buy into it you make things more bleak
Desecrate us all at the cost of being chic
Spin for me baby, let me see that technique
Like everybody else, don’t you be too unique
Be pretty and just shut up, it’ll add to your mystique
Don’t you want to live?
Don’t you want to live?
Verse 3
From the most macro of levels
Everywhere around are devils
If you’ll look you’ll see them hiding
Conquering and then dividing
Even when it all seems abstract
It affects every little act
Everything is insidious
Making us all feel hideous
If you’re not paying attention
You’ll never have comprehension
Of what it is we’re dealing with
You have to look beyond the myth
‘Cause no matter what you believe
Or what it is you misconceive
Eventually you’ll have to see
Everything’s interconnecting
Chorus
I just keep looking all around me
And I can’t see how they don’t see
That everything is interconnecting
Trying to teach that capitalism is sexy
Vulernable (“Hidden” song)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A half dozen or so are relaxed, alone, in the living room
Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen
Everyone’s laughing and carrying on
Has there ever been a more perfect friendship?
As the night progresses the thoughts become more prominent
All of them beginning to feel the same thing
All of them thinking – what if?
But each feel as if it’s irrelevant because they feel they must be the only one thinking, feeling such a thing
But they all are
A thirst for excitement
A thirst for electricity
A thirst for, perhaps most importantly, vulnerability
They need to feel vulnerable amongst those who they trust the most
The evening continues and the games reflect these feelings
A desire by all to push boundaries that are so very entrenched
The boundaries that their world has made them establish for safety
But boundaries that their world often tells them to deconstruct
Their world wants them vulnerable
Their world needs them to be vulnerable
Everyone both tenses and relaxes as secrets emerge
Words said that are comparable to stripping before everyone’s gaze
There is a tension so thick that it could be cut by paper
The atmosphere begins to smell of lust
As events unfold the nakedness of the body and soul become more prevalent
The desires are not those of experimentation but of total and utter sacrifice
And as the momentum becomes too much for all of them to handle
They do what they had hoped would happen
They do what they needed to do
And now it is so -
They are film, they are tv, they are radio, they are advertisements
They are certain powerful forces of culture – outside of the studio, of course
They’re not making money and this is the most important difference
They are making purchases –very costly and large purchases which almost guarantee a certain buyer’s remorse
They have engaged in the capital fantasy
They have done something almost essential but shaped by a deadly idea
They don’t know they could have sold anything during all of this
That’s the power of the vulnerability
You can do anything
Thankfully, no trust is deeply harmed
Some will be ashamed and others will be looking to make more purchases and it will most likely be correlated to one’s sex
Because for some, vulnerability is something that must be worked for and for others, vulnerability is something that must be fought against
And this dynamic is kept in place by everyone because we are all merchants and buyers
And as long as we keep looking at the displays, effectively ignoring all the options, this will never cease
When they all awake in the middle of the night, they all still feel the same, but they don’t feel the same thing
The tension remains but it is one of fear – fear that someone else will know they are actually awake, and that they know what happened
That they can’t stand the feel of someone else’s body on their own
That the arm wrapped around them feels like a million pounds and it’s making it hard to breathe
There is far too much vulnerability now
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The Trying Cincinnati, Ohio
The Trying is a solo music project from Chris Kaetzel. I blend sounds from a wide array of genres and influences to create a unique sound to encapsulate a myriad of emotions and topics. My lyrics are always genuine, no matter the content, and that is a major driving force behind The Trying. ... more
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