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Capitalism Is Sexy

by The Trying

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1.
Jesus’ supposed words have shackled me and crucified a people like me Although he was conceived by woman and God, somehow he came out male although he is not a product of it Americans placed him on the US dollar bill A legendary bill that bought worldwide capitalism and gave it to the rest of the world as a Christmas present Some were good children but the others unwrapped their present at gun point We took the shell casings and made a crown to replace the thorns Then we burned the presents and replaced them with credit and today was born Capital is punishment and punishment may be capital And hierarchies are masculine and this whole world has turned into one giant pyramid scheme With pharaohs waving swords at the top slaughtering the women as they try to climb Slaughtering the men who will not slaughter Picking a destiny for those in between and treating them accordingly The sun is burning all of them and as it rises… Each morning my blue eyes are exposed by lifting shields Red blooded American with a mixmatched soul and genitals Awaking for another day where my inner eyes stare at myself From my colored eyes whether they are brown and hard or they are black and hard To my skin or eyebrows which will snow each day if they do not receive contact of warm water And black grass in which is a yard unkempt by a homeowner who would be fine setting for to the entire thing I begin all of my addictions at once and end them never but my compulsions vary Cloth choice depends on who I am performing today, although they are all within the same purple flesh To those to who I am unknown, which river shall you cross today? For the natives know the water well I begin as most white canvases marked phallically do, for I am human Like an outlaw in an inmate disguise, I peel off the superficial layers that I feel help make me who I am I shall waste water like a good inhabitant like the rest of you waste judgment on your theories that you accept as law Then I mow that black lawn oh so greenly of those who differ in certain biology and who do pay dearly for such a thing That silver line you joke about then immediately dispose of is obvious And it is okay It disappears for the same reason that it remains apparent Because it should be and remain forever irrelevant But because this flesh hangs from between my legs, it will not And as I am finished washing and drying those judgments I am dirty as I began because true cleanliness is pumped from my red heart and jaded veins Yet I proceed to play into a hierarchical capitalistic procedure in which targets binary constructs as I pretend I am breaking them I pretend and hope and feel and want to break them into the tiny multi-faceted rainbow multiples that are still attached that I feel they are That I know they are and are to be if I ever hope to be a human being However, I digress from the trivial to the core But does all philosophy? From theoretical to reality, it all intertwines So here I am, painting these mirrors with a mirror so you can see my mirrors but they’re just glass to me Don’t worry! I used a phallus for the paint job Watch it Watch it Watch it paint me feminine So here I am, presented with two vitalities in which the world gives me as options Do you eat or do you drink? Choose one and only one So I will pick like it’s a fucking choice And the passion isn’t disinginuine because see, I do love each so-called “choice” because I have a raging appetite So I will play this game, so fresh, and enjoy every minute of it Flirting and laughing like a good girl I mean boy! I mean man! Sorry, please don’t punish me Please don’t because it won’t change anything Oh lady how I love thee And I do, I do, I do I love you because you are human And too because you’re beautiful And also, but not lastly, because you are a reflection of a soul that has rules you play by I admire and have respect for your curves Your lips like sugar Your eyes so deep in color that are, as every great thinker and poet has claimed, a portal to your soul – whatever that means And making love is just that plus expression and maintenance You have the bits I love, but not all of them I’m not that lucky Neither are you, but I could never wish that burden upon you I want you like no one else ever has I want it for me Inside me A part of me Not how the poets mean But like lust over an outfit Just like that I wish I could put it on but all I can wear are the symbols Simple, yet profound That which makes me human can also be that which keeps me from being And you can laugh at it like it’s a joke It’s so fucking hilarious “He thinks he’s not what we say he is!” But all you said I was was… well I guess you said it all And here comes the part where you show me how it’s done like intent is a measurable truth but that suffering it creates is immeasurable in itself Yell yell yell Blah blah blah I know! You don’t though What would it cost you to believe me? To trade in the grand hegemony so you can buy the lesser You still have some credit left over so you can buy some fancy sunglasses or a bullet-proof vest Why don’t I trade up? Because those diamonds have blood inside of them So here I am, presented with two vitalities in which the world gives me as options Do you forever sleep or snort rock? There is no in between And if I choose what you consider an “alternative” what will you do? Because love is a construct, just like anything else Produced by society to ensure some kind of moral Whatever God said or whatever you remember God saying I’m sick you say Cast my feelings aside so you can deal with the problem So you can destroy it and put it to an end So that it will never happen again And as disgusted and sickened I am by this attempt, I know it is just that Removing my heart is the only way to destroy my world And that, you have not done Just give it time Time is relative, and irrelevant because there are millions before me and billions afterwards And I know you want to come back and save me before I might save you Our intent may be the same but the definitions vary Lay down next to me and let us start again Hello, my name is Chris and this is my friend But just as I continue to want it, you continue to want me to not to want it Don’t you see? There is no middle ground! My middle ground sincerely is nothing but submission That’s all it’s ever been Fine, fine, fine! Strip me and redress me like you always do This problem is shared and we know it I’m glad you’re trying to fix that which is trying to end you, even though, again our definitions vary I am not as strong as I wish I were but the more I lift the more strength I get You are my weight – that which weighs me down but makes me stronger I’m not thanking you, I’m just acknowledging it You’re a forgery of your God and I am a sex defender and yes, an offender My purple heart is growing whether or not it appears to wither and wane Because I begin all my addictions at once and end them never despite every attempt to manage them in a way which will not kill me, but make me happy Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields Each night my blue eyes explode by weakened shields
2.
Rise! My brothers Rise! My sisters Rise! Those in between and outside Rise! Now is not the time to hide Rise! We are the ones they are trying to categorize Rise! Whose interests are you playing into? Rise! Gay Rise! Straight Rise! Bi Rise! Pan Rise! Those in between and outside Rise! Whose interests are you playing into? Count your blessings and then ask for more Exchange them for all the traits that they adore Run on the field like a berdache mascot Now take it off – It’s time to shine Love yourselves but only love others if they don’t destroy it Arbitrary power is what we must fear and overthrow Devour your consummation and regurgitate money Your lives are being bought and sold via identity “Who are you?” really means “What are you?” It means “how can we categorize you?” “How do you consume? How do you reproduce?” “How do you resist?” and “How can we exploit this?” Play jellyfish babies with your identity Our mother is sick and thus so are we Westoxification destroying gynarchies I say a panarchy is necessary for a healthy “we” Rise! Transgender Rise! Transexual Rise! Cisgender Rise! Cissexual Rise! Everyone confused Rise! Who interests are you playing into? Biphillic tendencies suit our thirst for binary And our thirst for beauty keeps girls fasting Runway models run away from weight and hate There is still time to win, it’s never too late The sounds of sex are mere sound effects Can you hear them? They sound like earthquakes! Yesterday’s entremetteuse is today’s rape victim And yes, we will blame them And the rapists will call the others tree climbers Because putting women in their place is so much better Forever learn your role, your placement Based upon what genitals you kissed Based upon the heteronormativity you missed But you never missed a second, you see it everyday And the military will engage in I&I So they don’t act out and become labeled “gay” This didn’t used to be a person It was only an action But we’ve become so obsessed with sex That we need as many categories as we can get Sex is repressed but not like you’d think We’ve got a word for everything and nothing’s unique Sex, sex, sex please While dismantling hegemony Lust, love, living While destroying patriarchy Zeroes, ones, binaries Stop selling me capitally Smiles, tears, humanity Please just let me live freely
3.
Verse 1 A mother, a daughter One protects, the other Violet’s angst, confusion Lady’s love, her caring She seemed to, come from nowhere An angel, to protect Violet’s guard, standing tall Hesitant to be, to be loved Chorus “Come to me” she screams “Who are you?” Violet replies “I am you” she screams “Where did you come from?” “We’re all from the same place” “What are you talking about?” “Listen to me” she screams “Why should I?” Violet replies “I am you” she screams “You’re crazy, leave me alone” “You have a million sorrows” “Who doesn’t? Leave me alone” Verse 2 What can you do when they don’t listen? What can you do when they act like they don’t care? What can you do when to try to save them? What can you do when they don’t want saved? She seemed to, come from nowhere An angel, to protect Violet’s guard, standing tall Hesitant to be, to be loved Chorus 2 “Confide in me” she screams “Why would I?” Violet replies “I am you” she screams “Where did you come from?” “You made me to save you” “What are you talking about?” “Trust in me” she screams “What is this” Violet replies “I am you” she screams “You’re crazy, leave me alone” “Your father has hurt you” “Whose hasn’t? Leave me alone” Verse 3 Too hostile, to listen Too hostile, to give in Too damaged, and too soon To begin, her healing
4.
You see one big question mark I feel a question heart I live inside I’m the only thing alive I am you Mirrors show me a portrait I have not conceived But was forced upon me I am the shadow I am the window I am the rainbow I am what you know Will save you I am perpetually And infinitely Approximating A whole You keep this all erect Culture’s birth defect And as the knives begin to plunge I’m becoming closer to one Grafting a new life One where I belong One where it’s not all wrong I am being cut and pasted onto you Onto me Onto us As I strip away The costume of my demise The same one you hand me to survive I pay it full mind This body of mine I see it changing I am perpetually And infinitely Approximating A whole You keep this all erect Culture’s birth defect And as the knives begin to plunge I’m becoming closer to one Changing Filling Living Dying Sitting Here Alone and Smiling Knowing That it’s coming! Finally Finally XX XY Bio -logy Is a Lie –So cie ty Is a sham I have no Way to win Way to win This makes Me have To “fix” Every thing So that I can Not feel Sick and dirty just to Feel alive Feel alive Scrounging Laughing Cutting Screaming Breathing Binding Staring Seething Can you See that I am Perpetually Infinitely Approximating A whole I am perpetually And infinitely Approximating A whole You keep this all erect Culture’s birth defect And as the knives begin to plunge I’m becoming closer to one
5.
I don’t want any of you to listen to the words of this song I just want you motherfuckers dancing Chorus Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Now shake motherfuckers Nod motherfuckers Absorb motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Verse 1 All of you bitches shake your hips for me And nod your fucking heads like you’re affirming Listen to the beats and move your feet While the words slip in and make you weak Ladies listen to the words that your dancing to Who the fuck am I kidding? Just do what you do And men keep grinding up on their ass That pussy is yours as long as you dance It’s okay for me to say that you’re a bitch It’s okay for me to say ‘cause it makes me rich Keep on buying records and watch my videos As I sell your body, ya’ll know how it goes I’m funnelin’ that shit into your brain And I guess it’s fuckin’ workin’ ‘cause here you stay And listen to my stories of totin’ guns So drawn to phallogocentrism it makes you numb But isn’t that the way that it’s always been? I guess on the surface that how you fit in But there’s a whole group of people fighting for you To rid us all of this phallic noose And men you just perpetuate all this shit Your acceptance of women being treated as garbage And when you just accept all of this You just pave the way for more degradation All you motherfuckers need to wake up and learn Hell’s on Earth and you continue to burn Chorus Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Now shake motherfuckers Nod motherfuckers Absorb motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Second verse Don’t look at any of this too hard, you might start makin’ stuff up Don’t look at yourself and see what you’re a part of See what you can stop See what you consume See what you ignore It’s all up to up to you I know you won’t fight for Your mother Your sister Your lover Your friend Fuck that, keep dancing, motherfuckers Keep blastin’ that shit until six in the morn’ By now she’s done passed out That whore wanted what came to her Yeah boy, ain’t you heard, rohypnol’s hip Oh yeah, your turn Don’t worry, she won’t remember shit in the morning She won’t even know why she’s hurting High fives for gang rapes High fives for manliness High fives for all these female masochists Yeah boy, ain’t you heard? She wanted that shit She wanted all six of us to give it to her Remember the power Remember the pleasure Remember the music That shit was treasure And I know you won’t show no remorse That shit’s beneath you, remember the clothes that she wore And I know you won’t show no remorse That shit’s beneath you Just like that human who trusted you Chorus Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Now shake motherfuckers Nod motherfuckers Absorb motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Third Verse And I’m not sayin’ I’m above all this I’m with you in the cult(ure) of ignorance And ladies I’m not sayin’ that you’re stupid But you need to pay attention to what you’re doin’ And men I’m not sayin’ that you’re all pigs But think about the lyrics that you’re listenin’ to Think about the appeal to objectification Think about all the ramifications You can’t pretend that it doesn’t matter You can’t brush it off with a nod and some laughter You’re nodding your heads to the music Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes You keep telling your brain that all of it is okay You’re cool with it, it’s just words You keep telling her that you’re in love with her But just keep noddin’, it’s just words No it’s fuckin’ not why can’t you see that I know that you’re not blind How can you pretend language is irrelevant How can you pretend that you’re not a part of it? Desensitized to popular music You’ve the ability to think, why not do it? Desensitized to popular culture You’ve the ability to choose, why not use it? In capitalism it’s all about the power of the dollar And we’re filling the pockets of those sending women to the slaughter Chorus 2 Don’t be motherfuckers Don’t be motherfuckers Don’t be motherfuckers Don’t be motherfuckers Now shake off the culture Nod to empowerment Don’t absorb hate Don’t be motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers Dance motherfuckers
6.
I saw a girl wearing sunglasses made by D&G I saw someone similar in a rape they were sponsoring She woke up moist from a thinspirational wet dream She woke up bruised after a capital fantasy I’m a lady screaming for you to stop This entire gang rape that we have bought They calculated each color and every life Of course everything can have a price Violet, Violet, Violet, can you hear me? I’m looking out for you I am working so hard to understand everything that makes you do what you do Soon you will be able to buy everything I’m dreaming of a cascading romance It’s taking each and every one of us so far away A place where I am unnecessary A place where you can smile again, darling The inhabitants have lovely skin It’s dark and warm not green and sick I awake to hear you screaming in pain I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming Hush hush, you’re not insane You have started calling me mother But I am no such thing I’m merely a critic of this shame That you have to play like it’s a game I will help fight for your life As long as you fight for it too Now please, won’t you hold me? And I will make love to you I will try to never sell this to you I will try to never sell this to you Even though it may be hard And it will only get harder As our veins of faith intersect with one another And all of the gold has run dry We will try and try and try We can find its weak points It will hang itself if we pay it enough I’m trying I love you We all need your strength And your defiance And mine as well Will you join me? Will you join me? What do you buy? What do you buy when you love him? What does he say? What does he say when he needs you? What does he give? What does he give that you need? What are your prayers? What are your prayers asking God? Can you not see? Can’t you wake up to his lies? Even if you can Can you do anything about it? Given to him By every single one of us Please forgive me Please forgive us Please forgive yourself For we know not what we’ve done Shaking in the shell That he’s plastered around you It’s cold and it’s cramped And it’s killing you You will never smile it all away It only brings decay I know that you’re there I know that you’re breathing I know that you’re alive I know that you can see me I want you to look inside Look inside yourself It’s okay to cry But not okay to give up You can beat this You can beat this You can beat this You can beat this
7.
I Refuse 04:01
Trees climb me while watering my wings weighed down with carbon I'm drowning a bucket with the bass of life before you kick it Thump Thump Thump Listen to the submarine rev Elation! Wherein lays her lies infinitely as an infant It's all in your head It's all in your head It's sawing your head It's all in your lead Bang Bang! Semi-automatic fun Shooting holes in my lungs so I can breath underwater So I can swim to my death bed in disguise These guys are raping my androgyny Telling me what to be when all I want to be is to be me Made-up mirrors reflecting your disgust A catalyst for your construct constructed only for the purpose to deconstruct a function Tear it up Tear it down to the ground in the shape of a frown But I'm smiling It doesn't matter if it's genuine Because you're not seeing it anyway Your eyelids that you painted black and white can't see it anyway Because while you were pushing kids down on the play ground, I was dressing up and singing into a tiny plastic microphone attached to a cassette recorder And I wrote songs about monsters and love and about brothers I never had because I wanted a male to love but never had one Paternal eclipses shadow eternal ellipses showing me what's in store But this liquor store has been robbed at phallus pointing right into her mouth And from there all of it went south So while you were wrestling with your dad in the backyard I was wondering when mine would get out of jail And while you were playing football with the neighborhood boys I was already confused as to why I had no preference for the sexuality I was experiencing with the boys, with the boys, with the boys, and the girls I am not rejecting all of your masculinity I just refuse to accept it The status quo has got to go A status quo designed around your genital status, ignoring generations of quoted wise people from every apparatus Stop raping my androgyny My mind is open but that doesn't mean you can dump your shit into it Pump Pump Pump Cock Cock Cock And I have dreams of things you make me ashamed of But I just yearn for the actions, not the person my dreams always seem to remember Dismember body parts of incestuous revulsion and desire until we can pretend it doesn't exist And before this, I was taught by who I suspect was a rape victim What the fuck is wrong with my house? I am not sexually confused, only amused And you can keep raping my androgyny, my identity, but you will not leave a bruise You will not camouflage this rouge I'm standing in a restaurant - bathroom checking my make up - and the door swings open so I immediately wash my hands because I'm afraid for them to see me liking me in the way I like being seen Can you see me? Do you see me? Will you see me? What will you see when you see? I stand before you as a weak, but growing incarnation of that which our elders reject and attempt to protect while the Pink Lady screams, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" That's right! That which is right is worth undergoing plight because although the world is dark and filled with the pseudo-righteous, we can see the light It is not the light you see It's on a different frequency It permeates those who seek to be free of a toxic culture I am only hazardous to an insecure immune system Abused systems that are inherently discriminant of identities created by the reflections of that very system which systematically breaks us down and tell us how we must live in order to be free How we must live in order to see a world that appears secure yet we walk on pins and needles allowing that which is feeble to stab the bottoms of our feet Stop pretending this is divine when it's all assembly line I'm not bending natural law, only a theory Don't show your teeth when all I want is something healthy This isn't about me This is about all of us So please don't show your teeth Don't make them worth busting our of your head I just want freedom I just want love Where you see chaos I see stopped loss Please don't show your teeth They're going to fall out if your braces are loosened For all of our own good, please don't show your teeth
8.
You have been compelled to stay home You have been inclined to boot up, log in, and dumb down Stay constantly glued to the stream or the DVR Because our evolution has been televised Our evolution has been televised Our evolution has been brought to us by Time Warner In proliferating markets with constant pacification Our evolution has shown us Reagan making mythological tax policies and heading an onslaught by George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Barack Obama to live futures bailed out by the American people Our evolution has been televised Over evolution has been brought to us by the Super Bowl and has starred Johnny Depp and Robert Downey Jr. and Peter and Seth Our evolution has given your body sex repeal Our evolution has gotten rid of unsightly hair Our evolution has made you want to be forty pounds thinner, because our evolution has been televised There are plenty of pictures of you and the president, appearing to fight the establishment during a campaign run and trying to hide your investment in a broken system Fox News has been able to bring us Glenn Beck and the pimp cut down the mighty oak tree Our evolution has been televised There have been pictures of soldiers desecrating prisoners on the numbing display There have been pictures of Netanyahu wearing halos on the numbing display, but none of his nuclear weapons There have been pictures of Joe Solmonese posing with Hilary Clinton while he perpetuates assimilation There have been televised concerts of Bono performing both music and an ideology targeting A homogenized conception of Africa through the same means that have created the conditions he wants to combat in the first place American Idol, Survivor, and the Fake World have become ultimately relevant, and women care if Meredith finally ends up with Derrick on Grey’s Anatomy because all of us are in the living room trying to forget how awful our lives are Our evolution has been televised The eleven o’clock news makes us afraid to lock our doors and we all care about Michelle Robinson’s dresses The theme songs are written by Timbaland, U2, and sung by Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Toby Keith, Nickleback and Eminem Our evolution has been televised Our evolution continues after a quick message about Capitol One, Capitol P, and capitalism We are all familiar with the anthropomorphic dough in the oven, the king in the restaurant, and the bunny with the drum Our evolution is accelerated within 5 Hours. Our evolution does not fight the germs that ‘cause intellectual death Our evolution has put greed in the driver’s seat Our evolution has been televised, has been televised has been televised Our evolution is our consumption Our evolution is a lie Farewell Gil Scott-Heron Your truth is relevant Your influence is infinite And your inspiration ultimate
9.
Verese 1 I am gonna drop more knowledge here than Alex Trebek You’re like an infant dropped on their soft head and now you’re dead You need new perspectives like getting shot with capitol lead The south will rise again? Is that really what you just said? Cause sometimes I feel like I live in the Confederate states Everywhere there are slaves and zombies – just a few awake Black people buying into the system unfortunately And white people still pulling the strings systematically Gone are our times of revolution You consume shit and shit consumes ya Gil Scott-Heron ain’t dead Remember what he said He who started hip-hop Had respect for women And the Cross Bronx highway from Robert Moses The displacement got this shit goin’ When the Bronx was burning Something was occurring Kool Herc was exploding hip-hop started flowing New source of African-American empowerment An entire culture began developing from it Rebellious but still played into the establishment But at the core was something genuine Chorus B-boys, b-girls, turntables, graffiti These are the things that we are seeking A proactive response to our problems Having fun while the DJ revolves them Verse 2 So let me return to this history lesson I want to make you aware and keep you from guessing Do you happen to know how this shit was corrupted? Simmons, racism, white boys, commercialism No one knows the American dream better than those in poverty Emcees began plugging products – allusions to kicks, rides, and bling It didn’t take too long for this to get picked up by MTV Quickly rose to prominence and made its way into advertising What started out in so many styles Became pigeon-holed and do you know why? All these racist white kids Loved the gangsterism Sexism and violence Is all they wanted And when the white kids took control It dictated what had to be sold Simple supply and demand No more fighting the man All that the man wanted was Black on black violence So now what we’re left with of popular black music Is just what ever the white kid chooses Because when you’re the ones driving most of the sales It’s all up to you what prevails Chorus B-boys, b-girls, turntables, graffiti These are the things that we are seeking A proactive response to our problems Having fun while the DJ revolves them
10.
Buy! Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Sell! Bodies sold to the highest bidder Put on a one-legged pedestal for all to see Something all of us want to be All at the cost of achieving what is sometimes referred to as “happiness” or “strength”. All the strength in the world can’t seem to keep your stomach full All the happiness in the world can’t seem to keep your body whole “She’s so beautiful!” But how could beauty make you feel so Ugly (with a Capital ‘You’)? Lanugo sweaters keep you warm but do nothing to protect you from the elements Elemental; inherent structures of pyramids with pharaohs at the top laughing Feeding off insecurities to produce His swollen head He wants you dead! Dead with bare bones and painted eyes Eyes that witness an image in the magazines where the children can see “Mommy, that’s who I want to be!” She doesn’t know that she already is The game is the same, just different paths that all lead to the same dead end Here is where it begins again and again and again until someone will blow up the entire pyramid Three young women stand in a line One is called ugly One is called beautiful The other doesn’t exist Irrelevance is death as is relevance We need an umbrella to shield us from the pain This culture is one giant flash flood filled with people with good intentions but they keep attached to strings that cause their arms to swing and to bust the water pipes where they proceed to drown Drown drown drown Holding one’s breath is such an endeavor that seems to last perpetually forever and eventually lets our veins burst into freedom/death I’m standing at the edge of a burial plot I’m having vivid flashbacks and flashforwards of digging the plot but I don’t remember it I’m sorry In my nightmares I just keep digging and digging and digging and I wake up screaming, “No! Not one more grave!” So as time progresses my destruction regresses but I’m owned by a slave master who has billions of others willing to pick up my slack I would rather die than kill
11.
(I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life) Hello lady, I know what you are talking about But there’s some destruction I just can’t live without We should just relax, let go, and just have fun There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing I can do I don’t have any power over these circumstances I know they’re bad, but not as bad as isolation Desecration, restoration, obligation elimination Push and pull, born and reborn, death and self-immolation There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing I can do I’m sending you this letter to tell you I’m breaking it off Please accept this as my letter of resignation I’m confused (I don’t know) I’m so lost (-ing for) I have to seek (in my) At any cost (life) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) (In my life) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) I don’t know (I don’t know) (In my life) There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing you can do (I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life) There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing you can do There’s nothing we can do There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing you can do There’s nothing we can do There’s nothing I can do There’s nothing you can do There’s nothing we can There’s nothing There’s nothing (I don’t know what I’m looking for in my life There is something I must do in my life I have made so much mistakes, it’s time to turn around I don’t know, but I have to change my life right now)
12.
Verse 1 I am nowhere A mere shadow of what I was I am nothing A shell going through the motions each day I am stagnant The water is not safe to drink I feel hopeless I am hopeless Bridge Looking out I see the sun But I can’t feel it’s warmth My true self feels destroyed The mirrors don’t reflect what I love anymore Chorus I can see this life is draining me Nothing left, gone is my identity I am gone, I cannot find me All this work is just raping Raping me, destroying my identity Verse 2 I am forgotten My body is undifferentiated I am sorry I’m sorry I let it get to this I can’t breathe Comatose to my memories I feel frightened I am frightened
13.
Verse 1 One more dream goes down the drain Just another act to relieve the pain Make-up, sweaters, they play the game Just another act to appear the same Somewhere a few men are getting paid With no concern of who gets slain Everywhere everyone is feeling shame Something has to give Something has to give Chorus I just keep looking all around me And I can’t see how they don’t see That everything is interconnecting Trying to teach that capitalism is sexy Verse 2 It’s most lucrative when you’re weak They can sell the most when you don’t speak When you buy into it you make things more bleak Desecrate us all at the cost of being chic Spin for me baby, let me see that technique Like everybody else, don’t you be too unique Be pretty and just shut up, it’ll add to your mystique Don’t you want to live? Don’t you want to live? Verse 3 From the most macro of levels Everywhere around are devils If you’ll look you’ll see them hiding Conquering and then dividing Even when it all seems abstract It affects every little act Everything is insidious Making us all feel hideous If you’re not paying attention You’ll never have comprehension Of what it is we’re dealing with You have to look beyond the myth ‘Cause no matter what you believe Or what it is you misconceive Eventually you’ll have to see Everything’s interconnecting Chorus I just keep looking all around me And I can’t see how they don’t see That everything is interconnecting Trying to teach that capitalism is sexy Vulernable (“Hidden” song) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A half dozen or so are relaxed, alone, in the living room Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen Everyone’s laughing and carrying on Has there ever been a more perfect friendship? As the night progresses the thoughts become more prominent All of them beginning to feel the same thing All of them thinking – what if? But each feel as if it’s irrelevant because they feel they must be the only one thinking, feeling such a thing But they all are A thirst for excitement A thirst for electricity A thirst for, perhaps most importantly, vulnerability They need to feel vulnerable amongst those who they trust the most The evening continues and the games reflect these feelings A desire by all to push boundaries that are so very entrenched The boundaries that their world has made them establish for safety But boundaries that their world often tells them to deconstruct Their world wants them vulnerable Their world needs them to be vulnerable Everyone both tenses and relaxes as secrets emerge Words said that are comparable to stripping before everyone’s gaze There is a tension so thick that it could be cut by paper The atmosphere begins to smell of lust As events unfold the nakedness of the body and soul become more prevalent The desires are not those of experimentation but of total and utter sacrifice And as the momentum becomes too much for all of them to handle They do what they had hoped would happen They do what they needed to do And now it is so - They are film, they are tv, they are radio, they are advertisements They are certain powerful forces of culture – outside of the studio, of course They’re not making money and this is the most important difference They are making purchases –very costly and large purchases which almost guarantee a certain buyer’s remorse They have engaged in the capital fantasy They have done something almost essential but shaped by a deadly idea They don’t know they could have sold anything during all of this That’s the power of the vulnerability You can do anything Thankfully, no trust is deeply harmed Some will be ashamed and others will be looking to make more purchases and it will most likely be correlated to one’s sex Because for some, vulnerability is something that must be worked for and for others, vulnerability is something that must be fought against And this dynamic is kept in place by everyone because we are all merchants and buyers And as long as we keep looking at the displays, effectively ignoring all the options, this will never cease When they all awake in the middle of the night, they all still feel the same, but they don’t feel the same thing The tension remains but it is one of fear – fear that someone else will know they are actually awake, and that they know what happened That they can’t stand the feel of someone else’s body on their own That the arm wrapped around them feels like a million pounds and it’s making it hard to breathe There is far too much vulnerability now

credits

released January 16, 2012

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The Trying Cincinnati, Ohio

The Trying is a solo music project from Chris Kaetzel. I blend sounds from a wide array of genres and influences to create a unique sound to encapsulate a myriad of emotions and topics. My lyrics are always genuine, no matter the content, and that is a major driving force behind The Trying. ... more

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