I can’t take anymore This is my confession Pardon my aggression This depression, regression, repression Has been killing my expression My obsession with progression has been leaving me with the impression that there is no time for decompression Pardon my alliteration But this aggravation That I want to bring me to liberation Maybe it deserves some reconsideration Due to the isolation The commiseration The frustration The desperation I apologize for the non-cooperation That has been causing so much exasperation I apologize For my absence The avoidance I am just trying To be someone To be something My narrow concept of jealousy will kill me I just want a legacy People to remember me Rejecting mediocrity Impact Affect I just want to Be something That inspires you So this is my Last attempt To start a fire If it Doesn’t Catch on I don’t know What will happen To my dreams In my mind I know that Everything That I have Is all that I could have Asked for But my dreams eat my heart away I’m sorry To all of Those who I Love with all Of my heart If I have Made you feel less important I am solving this puzzle I’m trying To slow things Down, even though Everything Seems to be Coming so Quickly through my brain I’m too overwhelmed to stop

Just a little more than the last time Whatever it takes to reach the high (Relief) – The less the junk is cut the longer her wrist aren’t She doesn’t get sick any more Daddy says it’s bad for business She has to look healthy, no matter how hungry Trying all she can to survive this tricky world Crash and burn Fallen on her back where she cannot move until it’s over Being filled up with emptiness She can feel snake bites hiss Trying to ignore his breath on her neck, it makes her so sick Living this way is expensive, if that is what this is She used to dream of demons Now she dreams things obscene in her living nightmare Killing the child that her father destroyed She feels him inside her, tearing up her body Her heart made so fragile Regrets are all she has since she fell (Memories) – She can remember, once upon a time Before this Her abjection had been finalized Free to pursue what she idolized Free as a feral child to roam Plunged herself into this new home Just one taste is all it takes Just so easy to raise the stakes He is the sculptor and she is the shape She is the victim and he is the rape She’s the product of culture rot It’s so much deeper than she thought Darker than she dreamed it would get Fantasizing about her wrists She remembers, he’s finally done She walks over to her dresser Opens the drawer and pulls it out An image of a different life And then she pulls the needle out Time to drown away all these doubts Why God have you forsaken me? Why father have you forgotten me? She never wanted this She never asked for this She never had a chance (Cursed) This story was written by something much greater The words of that lady echo loudly through her head every now and then What if she was right and there’s something (Greater) Greater than a series of terrible choices Waking up

The sound of her lips as they draw the poison out consoles me like a lullaby Creep asleep My dreams revolve around my absence The insects devour my disembodiment No rhyme No reason Drunk My crime My treason Regret This grime Hot season Decay This climb Of the demon Out of hell The form of her hips are the mirror of reality in my heart Cruel ventricle This garden has bloomed corpse flowers A perfume of unlovely effigies emanate Like the piss of an angel No time Defeated Junk Her prime My heathen Reset My chime Adhesion Defray See I’m Depleted My farewell (sex cell) My love Sick of Sort of Void of Cut me Marquee Would be Peacefully (sex cell) My heart Take part Restart Impart You! Fix me Deplete Excrete The inconsistencies (sex cell) My skin Has been Within My sin Cocoon Attune How soon Will I come through? (sex cell) My soul Black hole Control Console Me! Destroy Decoy Enjoy Me!

Wish I had nothing to lose Perpetually suspending close to the bottom Never allowing myself to fall all the way Never allowing myself to climb too far up A shell of someone who never even existed Roaming in my head The only place I’m courageous enough to know Conjuring infinite distractions that bring shame upon exposure The guilty flower Inebriating devour Drowning the pleads of yesterday with today The guilty flower Inebriating devour Diminishing tomorrow in the weakest of ways A suicide pact is an inevitable death wish A sentimental agreement is yearned for I want you as vulnerable as I am to my own animals and daily infanticide If it’s too late, then there’s no reason to continue All of the bread crumbs have been consumed by time There is a light but I am imprisoned in a cell made of mirrors Every angle clear, but the source, a mystery There’s no way but everywhere and nothing from here Composite lethargy, dreamer Romantic warfare and everybody becomes paralyzed Post-traumatic from missed opportunities A force never to be reckoned with Never any force Drowning my sorrows in distractions I am nothing more than potential energy If I’m here, I’m stagnant, If I’m here, I’m safe, If I’m here, I’m useless I’m stuck here My inaction has brought me to this place Making it so hard to face you now My infection has brought us to this fate This is all my mistake I never wanted this Such an opportunity you missed Should have never come back Now you’ll pay for it Nothing more than a dream is all I will ever be Nothing more than a theory, never becoming reality I’d be better off without me I’d be better off without me Cause baby, I’m a dreamer And when I wake up I want to die Cause baby, I’m a loser And when I win, it’s in my mind

Dragon’s breath Taking her away from here like never before She cannot see the world in front of her Spiraling down and she was grasping for the ground to hold her Was too late Couldn’t stop the world falling down on her Seen too much Heard too much Felt too much Hurt too much “It’s in god’s hands now”, she thought The inevitable change in plot The world falling down on her That was the day she overdosed on the world They asked her if she was alright, if she was breathing But all of their concern just sounded like teasing She could feel her life leaving her fainting body Was too late Couldn’t stop the world falling down on her Chorus Seen too much Heard too much Felt too much Hurt too much “It’s in god’s hands now”, she thought The inevitable change in plot The world falling down on her That was the day Was the day She over Dosed on The world

Going through the motions That which I have built are crashing In on me Feel like suicide today, if I could just sleep forever My energy has gone everywhere except where it should go and now I have nothing My heart is black from smoke My soul is almost broken My head is numb from thinking About nothing other than what should have been If I could close my eyes and never wake again, I’d say goodbye to you and you could listen to my heartbeat end No more weakness or fear If this is something no one can hear, then be happy for me, because I had no place here Darkness encompasses me as I can no longer stand My deathgrip on the façade I built, loosening So, for everytime I lied Acted as if I didn’t know I apologize to myself as I fulfill my destiny Never again Never once Never lived Never Always lying Always dead Always sad Always

My clocks are spinning so fast Where have you gone? Useless tools to build me I’ve lost The sky is endless You’re round You’re lost I’m found through the haze of infinity Your cowardice has infected me These possibilities mean nothing Just debt Just stagnation These faults are yours The future is clay Sculpt it Let not my death be in vein I’m hardening Can’t feel a thing I’m paralyzed By the choices you gave Your grand fear is keeping you here Your child has done his job My betrayal suffocates me Asphyxiation by fear This wasn’t easy for me Remember everything we went through You fetishize your past before you grow Before you know Your future was always a dream I am the catalyst for your self-hate I am the fire inside that motivates I have failed My illusion – thinly veiled But I continue More things to destroy me, I include I hate what you went through I hate what you left me I hate what you were I hate what I’ve become I hate what you went through I hate what you left me I hate what you were I hate what I’ve become

I want to eat you alive To consume that which I am, but do not own Face deep in your glory That which hides the source of your expulsion So soft and warm in this forbidden paradise Your possession, my obsession – the ultimate covet She’s clawing inside me Eating my substitute brain and regurgitating permanence My body rejects her wishes But I welcome her assault I am the ultimate hybristophile While my body rejects the truth, I will scream Like a square puzzle piece Nothing is holding me here except Foreign support And I know it And I’m scared And I react And I have grown accustom to this mark You are in no danger Except for the abduction of one of your reflections I will not harm, but I will make payments What I hate and what you are are all commodities I am forced into submission by this reality Forced to react and self scan the UPC on this counter culture There is no science There is no philosophy that could stop me from loving you From wanting you I inhale your romanticized beauty and I exhale it’s death I convert energy through a process known as hypocrisy I want to break this mirror and choke to death on the shards and be reconstructed a different version of you and I, and not die I want you to kiss yourself, to breathe yourself, to see yourself, to fuck yourself I will be your distorted reflection

If I could only summon my memories of you and bring them to life Immerse myself in a world where you were still alive I would take advantage of every childish nervousness I would live my hearts’ secrets with no regret We acknowledged the tension as if it didn’t exist But you know, it’s all I ever wanted If I could have waived our fear, it would have been done, no holding back If I could have waived our fear, then I would still be there instead of here And I want you To do every thing that you want To do to me The “what if”s we’ll never know My aching heart tells me so That my wishes hold mostly questions My aching heart tells me so That my questions hold mostly wishes I can see backwards, romantic brush strokes, I paint a willing smile on your face We’re never really exposed, I suppose that’s how it goes, but you can take me Spreading eagle Pin me Up against something heavy Draw a target around me Put me naked behind a glass case Diagram with labels Then break the glass Feed upon me Taste the envy Covet Stored within me Consume my poison Open my mouth Spit my poisen back in Swallow it We can begin this all again

Let’s dance Let’s drink Let’s fuck And sing Let go You know It’s all Too much to breathe Shot of jag Shot of gold Shot of 151 4 or 5 of these and I’ll get a party on And I won’t stop ‘Til I almost throw up Get to that point where I’ll fuck ‘till the sun comes up Yeah girl, lemme hear that dirty talk I’ll spit it right back at you, fuck that shit up Let’s get that four on the floor Foreplay on the floor This is perfect, don’t want to wake up We’re all in an alternate reality Wondering if anyone else feels like me You don’t know? Well we can see: Wanna fuck? (yeah) Wanna dance? (yeah) Wanna push the boundaries? (what do you mean?) “Ah shit, I shouldn’t say. Is this the happiest you can remember being recently?” “No” Well you’re not ready to party like me Love it when I don’t feel like me at all You see, it’s all too much to breathe Too insecure to be myself without help But I can transform into the real me I want you to take advantage of my vulnerability I want those pheromones I want to be wrapped around those bones Venture into the unknown Consume you and become a clone So much flesh around me, bare Heart beat, drum beat, intoxicant I’m shredding up your diary What’s in this song, stays in this song This skin is a sin This flesh is death It feels like there is nothing left Need something to take me away from here I know it’s not the best Want to let me id go So damn tired of my ego But where am I supposed to go? When poor construction is all I know? I want to spread you apart No holding back, here’s where the fun starts I want you as vulnerable As I want to be

Verse 1 It’s about to get dark Darker than before About to go further down This rabbit hole and show you more About these thoughts of pain Been tearing up my brain Past the point of insane These demons have free rein Swimming through that deep shit That shit where you act like you don’t know what you want to do Ignoring the screams from deep inside of you Begging you to just be true, to just go through with what it is that you always knew What it is that you were meant to do I don’t believe in destiny, but this thing inside of me is too weak to subdue Spent my whole life lying to myself, lying to everyone who asked me what I wanted to do When I told you that I didn’t know, that was never true ‘Cause not so deep inside, I always knew But I just kept failing myself Breaking myself Changing myself Faking myself Hating myself Training myself to think that what I needed was someone or something else Never had the confidence Never could find the strength To pursue this essence Just live life as a sentence Music has flown through my soul Since I was 4 years old That’s 19 years of repression Now let me take you through this progression Bridge Never let myself feel in place What a waste Could have had something great Instead I just sit here and wait For someone else to realize The world through my eyes While I wear a disguise Chorus 1 Locked in this world I’m by myself All alone Give myself to you But I’m still unknown I have these ideas But I can’t keep listening to these songs Cause I know I’m beaten Verse 2 Now let’s get real Down and dirty No more being abstract Going to tell you how it is And I want to be exact The anxiety that has been building up Should be enough to give me a heart attack A couple years ago I got to the point where going through the motions was no longer enough But that’s all I had ever done Didn’t know how to stop Still wasn’t brave enough to follow my heart Started soul searching with my fucking eyes shut This dream, that dream, this idea, so what? I can get excited about anything And follow through with nothing Sitting there, every fucking night, 8 hours of death as my violent thoughts could never rest Hiding my tears as my heart tries to rip out of my fucking chest I knew I had betrayed myself, betrayed my child, was betraying my future Got to the point where I couldn’t even listen to music without feeling like a failure That’s supposed to be me! That’s supposed to be me! That’s supposed to be me! That’s supposed to be me! I am nothing Verse 3 So low Down How have I let myself drown? One paxil One sleeping pill Two sleeping pill Three sleeping pill One Benadryl Two Benadryl One melatonin Two melatonin 1 shot 2 shot 3 shots of whiskey That should be enough to get me to sleep Yeah baby, that’s just where I want to be I don’t want to drift into my dreams I wanna be forced unwillingly Cause all I can do is lay here anxiously And think about everything I’m not going to be These dark thoughts are getting progressively Bleaker and I’m thinking about things permanently What have I done so far? This shit’s bizarre Look at these scars I’m supposed to be a motherfucking star Instead I’m sitting here dwelling on the past Examining the failure that I’ve amassed When I go, I know that I will go fast And then I will be free at last I apologize if this is the last song you ever hear from me But just know, this was destiny