We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Suicide Pact demo

by The Trying

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
Hooray for the Pizen Squad! 02:48
lyrics
buy track
Pharamones – making – you so – delicious Filling my soul – full of wishes You have what I need to have, not what I need to borrow (in triplets) I need to wear you like my own skin I need to be you, need to commit sin You’ve never felt a love like this She fucked me and I’m bearing her image from within From within Chorus Need to feel you Need to see you Need to touch you Need to be you Falling apart every moment I am not like you Addicted to the feminine Attracted to the edited Don’t think that I don’t understand I want you for all the wrong reasons Verse 2 I’m as superficial as they come As animal as they come As hungry as they come But I would never harm you I just want to be inside you Won’t you come inside me? You’re all I want to be My lust for you, I want for myself too You’re my god as I create my image in the form of you I adore you, want to eat you, want to consume you, want to be you Want to be you Verse 3 Your beauty – magnetic My insides are wretched Your scent – intoxicant Your lovely eyes enchant I will always love you Please make me feel it too Outro Hate this body, help me get free
2.
Ghostly Manipulator, Stillborn Marionette 07:36
lyrics
buy track
Wish I had nothing to lose Perpetually suspending close to the bottom Never allowing myself to fall all the way Never allowing myself to climb too far up A shell of someone who never even existed Roaming in my head The only place I’m courageous enough to know Conjuring infinite distractions that bring shame upon exposure The guilty flower Inebriating devour Drowning the pleads of yesterday with today The guilty flower Inebriating devour Diminishing tomorrow in the weakest of ways A suicide pact is an inevitable death wish A sentimental agreement is yearned for I want you as vulnerable as I am to my own animals and daily infanticide If it’s too late, then there’s no reason to continue All of the bread crumbs have been consumed by time There is a light but I am imprisoned in a cell made of mirrors Every angle clear, but the source, a mystery There’s no way but everywhere and nothing from here Composite lethargy, dreamer Romantic warfare and everybody becomes paralyzed Post-traumatic from missed opportunities A force never to be reckoned with Never any force Drowning my sorrows in distractions I am nothing more than potential energy If I’m here, I’m stagnant, If I’m here, I’m safe, If I’m here, I’m useless I’m stuck here My inaction has brought me to this place Making it so hard to face you now My infection has brought us to this fate This is all my mistake I never wanted this Such an opportunity you missed Should have never come back Now you’ll pay for it Nothing more than a dream is all I will ever be Nothing more than a theory, never becoming reality I’d be better off without me I’d be better off without me Cause baby, I’m a dreamer And when I wake up I want to die Cause baby, I’m a loser And when I win, it’s in my mind
3.
288-141 06:53
lyrics
buy track
I knew a girl Her name was Rebecca Or Amber I’m not sure I knew a girl I couldn't pick her out of a lineup I don’t remember her voice I don’t even remember what color hair she had She rode home on her bike one day After she told me she’d be right back I hope that she is still alive I know a woman I remember a child I knew a father that left one day He has never come back I knew a girl Whose ghost must haunt him Like waking up in vomit from a bad night of drinking Except this time, he drank himself paralyzed He drank me paralyzed I knew friends I knew parents who took those friends away from me I made new friends I knew babysitters I knew inquiry I knew what I had been told I wish I had Wish I had Not fallen for this shit I’m swimming in it I’m swimming in it I can’t get out from under this It’s toxic I knew a prison visiting room I remember the dark, pseudo-wooden tables I remember the vending machines I remember the door I would stare at eagerly That stood next to what I used to know as a judge’s booth Waiting for an emerging man that I knew After he was strip-searched I remember knowing what I knew I remember alcohol and a vehicle And perhaps many repeated offences I remember my world collapsing I knew something that I couldn't comprehend Something that a nine year old could never comprehend I knew a Rebecca Or Amber I knew her sisters I remember puzzle pieces coming together Not completely But enough to reveal a picture I still hate to look at I hope that she is still alive I hope she has coped better than I have As her mouth was filled with evil My lungs were filled with semen Our innocence formed an egg But the implantation has not ceased And has been multiplying This is cancer I wish I had Wish I had Not fallen for this shit I’m swimming in it I’m swimming in it I can’t get out from under this It’s toxic Spoken I hope that she has survived I don’t know her name I hope that she knows mine Maybe she’ll find me one day Maybe we can help each other put the puzzle together God, I hope that she is still alive I wish I had Wish I had Not fallen for this shit I’m swimming in it I’m swimming in it I can’t get out from under this It’s toxic
4.
The Ultimate Hybristophile 03:26
lyrics
buy track
I want to eat you alive To consume that which I am, but do not own Face deep in your glory That which hides the source of your expulsion So soft and warm in this forbidden paradise Your possession, my obsession – the ultimate covet She’s clawing inside me Eating my substitute brain and regurgitating permanence My body rejects her wishes But I welcome her assault I am the ultimate hybristophile While my body rejects the truth, I will scream Like a square puzzle piece Nothing is holding me here except Foreign support And I know it And I’m scared And I react And I have grown accustom to this mark You are in no danger Except for the abduction of one of your reflections I will not harm, but I will make payments What I hate and what you are are all commodities I am forced into submission by this reality Forced to react and self scan the UPC on this counter culture There is no science There is no philosophy that could stop me from loving you From wanting you I inhale your romanticized beauty and I exhale it’s death I convert energy through a process known as hypocrisy I want to break this mirror and choke to death on the shards and be reconstructed a different version of you and I, and not die I want you to kiss yourself, to breathe yourself, to see yourself, to fuck yourself I will be your distorted reflection
5.
Suicide Pact (One Of Us Has To Die) 05:57
lyrics
buy track
You think you need me, but you don't Rethink every thing good about me I am an infant and you are my tantrum There's no reason for this to continue Don't let me pull you down to my level I am a well and you are my last wish If you love something let it go Can you find a way that doesn't include me? That way I can beg for what I already don't deserve I am the nightmare you shouldn't chase The wound will consume our union Our union has consumed our choices I am the fall pushing us to freedom Now look at what it’s come to The way my child failed The way I failed my child The way I failed you My inaction tearing us down the way it makes itself known The way I can’t look you in the eye The way I have to disassociate to keep going Pretend I’m not me, no identity is better than my own When I return home, I want to leave I’m making my own light to walk toward I am only nothing where I exist One of us has to die One of us has to die One of us has to die One of us has to die You’re witnessing the beginning of the end of a life You’re witnessing a suicide pact tonight You’re witnessing the beginning of the end of a life You’re witnessing a suicide pact tonight I know I have to die If I ever hope to be alive Bonded only by a desire to end it all, to stretch the idea of selfishness to as far as it will go My demons have outgrown me, from infant to something competent Keeping my mind full of hopes and dreams that would only ever derail me from reaching them I can’t find the line where sympathy and accountability meet. I’m in a dark region between where the scent of self loathing emanates off the fallen corpses of everyone I ever pretended to be or wanted to be My only chance to make it out of this place is to crucify myself for my own sins and be resurrected to a brighter place Until then, I continue to crawl on, knowing that I am an unsustainable process and eventually my resources, made of delusions and lethargy, will run dry, turning me into nothing but the result of involuntary muscle spasms Either way, I won’t let that happen So here it is, the end (center only) Tonight, I kill the part of me that weighs me down, or the other way around You’re witnessing the beginning of the end of a life You’re witnessing a suicide pact tonight One of us has to die

credits

released June 15, 2013

license

tags

about

The Trying image

The Trying Cincinnati, Ohio

The Trying is a solo music project from Chris Kaetzel. I blend sounds from a wide array of genres and influences to create a unique sound to encapsulate a myriad of emotions and topics. My lyrics are always genuine, no matter the content, and that is a major driving force behind The Trying. ... more

contact / help

Contact The Trying

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like The Trying, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Saxophonist Isaiah Collier chats about his new LP and the influence of Pharoah Sanders.
listen now